You Can Only Change You

My book, From Burnout to Bliss: Fall Back in Love with Teaching, is built on two core pillars. In my previous post, “What We Get Wrong About Happiness,” I shared why we struggle to recognize what truly fulfills us. (Feel free to go back and read that post from May 29th.) Today, I want to dive into the second premise: the only person we can change is ourselves.

I know we have all heard this before—likely regarding personal relationships—but it applies directly to education. As teachers, it is natural to want to fix every difficult dynamic with a student or a peer. However, our true impact lies in how we motivate, communicate, and teach—not in rewriting someone else’s behavior. By embracing this boundary, we protect our peace and free ourselves to pour our best energy into what we do best: teaching.

To do this effectively, we must distinguish between fixing someone and teaching them. Fixing implies an agenda—the assumption that we hold the correct blueprint and must mold someone into our image. Teaching, however, is a much purer pursuit. To teach is to motivate and empower, equipping others with the insights and experiences they need to chart their own course. While we hold space for their growth, the ultimate choice to evolve belongs entirely to them. And that is one of the joys of teaching – we get to plant the seed and watch them grow into what they decide to be.

Admitting that you can only change yourself gets infinitely trickier when it comes to colleagues. Every school has people who actively contribute to a toxic environment or fuel your burnout. While it is easy to feel trapped by their negativity, remember that you still hold the power of your own response. You cannot force a difficult colleague to be collaborative, positive, or kind. What you can do is set firm emotional boundaries, refuse to engage in workplace gossip, and choose where your daily energy goes. Trust me, this is harder than it looks but it will protect your love for teaching.

True professional empowerment begins when we stop wasting our limited energy trying to fix difficult people, and instead focus it entirely on mastering our craft and protecting our passion. After all, we do this job for our students and they deserve the best teacher you can be. Thanks for reading! kim